your hands and mine
by czqy
Summary: "I've got killer's hands," Ash said quietly.


"Hey Ash," Eiji walked into the room, eyes focused on something happening down the hall, "just to let you know—"

He stopped when he saw the boy, sitting at the edge of his bed, peering into his palms intensely. He silently moved to sit beside him, then tilted his head to get a better look at Ash's face, frowning once he noticed the anguish there.

It always hurt, seeing Ash hurt. It was hard because he hadn't experienced the same things, and he probably never would. He wasn't sure if he could find the right words to say. So, he stayed silent. Hoped his presence provided some sense of comfort.

Later, as the sun started to set, the blond finally spoke.

"I've got killer's hands," Ash said quietly. Eiji almost missed it, distracted by the colours being painted in the sky. He turned to face him immediately after the words registered, but Ash was still glancing at his hands, turned over now.

"What do you mean?" Eiji prompted carefully. He knew what it meant for Ash to open up, he didn't want to do or say anything that would take this moment away.

"Whenever I look at them, I see blood. I feel it, dripping down and seeping through my fingers. They've held guns and knives; they've taken lives. Does that not make them killer's hands?"

Ash held his right hand up to cover the side of his face, barely making contact. His hand started to tremble, so Eiji took it in his own, and moved it down between them. He took the other hand too, so both were enveloped in his. Ash's hands stopped shaking, instead melding to fit the curves of Eiji's. It made Eiji smile.

"See," he ran his thumb across the tops of Ash's fingers. "Your hands are soft, and they're gentle." Eiji brought Ash's left hand up to cup his cheek, pulling slightly when Ash resisted, and leaned into it. "Would a killer's hands feel like this?"

There was a look of astonishment written in Ash's features. He didn't move his hand away when Eiji let go, though, so that was a win. "You should be afraid of me," his voice came out breathy with something resembling conviction.

"Never," Eiji smirked. It was their thing. Ash would ask whether Eiji was scared, and he would always give the same response. He frowned a moment later though, when Ash's expression hadn't changed. Eiji understood why Ash thought this way, he knew the boy thought of himself as something like a monster, someone who didn't deserve good things. Eiji was determined to prove to him wrong. He didn't entirely get why Ash never considered the other side of him—the side that would do anything to protect those close to him; the side that talked about Japan and made jokes with Eiji; the side that was afraid of pumpkins.

"Ash…" The name came out laced with raw emotion, there was absolutely nothing hidden in it, and Eiji knew Ash knew what he was trying to convey with it. It was why he looked away, unwilling to meet Eiji's eyes anymore. Eiji hiked his leg onto the bed so he was properly facing Ash, and squeezed his hand. "You are a good person."

Ash remained facing the wall, but his body jerked, and he raised his other hand over his face.

"Please look at me." Eiji wasn't going to force Ash, however he wanted him to see that he really cared.

There was still no movement, and Eiji was just about to let out a sigh when Ash, ever so slowly, turned back around. His eyes were slightly puffy, red around the corners, and Eiji's heart clenched. What in the world, Eiji wanted to ask, had Ash ever done to deserve a life like this? He thought about when he was seventeen and eighteen, reminded of the stark contrast in their lives. Nevermind that now though, their lives would be intertwined for all eternity.

"I'm here. You know that, yeah?" Eiji wanted to make sure Ash remembered the promise he made a while ago, of 'forever'. He had never meant anything more in his entire life. _Never and forever_, he thought idly. The two words he dedicated to Ash were definitive. They lasted until the end of time.

Ash nodded silently. He looked down at Eiji's hand holding his own, then back up again. There was the tiniest of smiles playing on his lips, as if he was testing the waters, but it stopped Eiji's heart all the same. Ash looked content; happy; and Eiji didn't know what to do with the fact he may have caused it.

"I wonder sometimes," Ash lifted Eiji's hand and ducked his head so he was level with it, "how I got so lucky to have been able to meet someone like you." He shook his head slightly, smile growing a bit wider, "No, not _like _you. Just you. I am so lucky to have met _you_." He then pressed a kiss against Eiji's knuckles, and Eiji short-circuited.

He stayed frozen for a moment, staring at the sight before him, savouring the sensation of Ash's lips on his skin, then _freaked_. He flailed, pulling his hand back, waving his arms around. He almost toppled off the bed, but Ash caught him. When Eiji regained his balance, he noticed that Ash was smirking. It was that smirk which always made Eiji blush. He wasn't used to being looked at like that. And even after all this time with Ash, he didn't think he would ever get used to it. He pouted, crossing his arms.

"It seems like you're doing fine now." Eiji hoped this was the case. He hoped the change came from the improvement of his mood, and not because his walls had been put up again.

"Come on," Ash teased. He poked Eiji's cheek, and he scowled further. "I meant it though." And Eiji dropped his act immediately. Ash's playfulness was gone too. He gazed at Eiji, and the intense look almost had Eiji looking away. He wasn't going to though, he wouldn't be able to even if he tried, even if he wanted to. There was something keeping him there, some pull, and Eiji wasn't about to break that force.

When Ash spoke next, however, that intensity mellowed out.

"You have the ability to calm me down instantly. You make me feel better with your touch. We can debate all you want about the kinds of hands I have, but what's certain is that you've got hands that heal."

The words reminded Eiji of that morning in Cape Cod—the blue sky above them, the ocean sounds in the background, and the gentle breeze passing by. It was probably the feeling Ash was describing too, that comfort. It was what Eiji felt out there, but not because of the gun. He felt… secure with Ash against him, comforted by the warmth radiating off him. That seemed like a lifetime ago now, so much had happened since then. He wondered what else there was to come. He thought about what they could do once this was all over, the places Eiji would take Ash in Japan.

Lost in his thoughts, Eiji jumped at the pat on his head. He looked up to find that Ash was no longer sitting in front of him, instead already on his way out the door.

"Where're you going?" he called curiously. He hoped Ash wasn't about to do anything dangerous, it'd worry Eiji terribly. But he always knew, when Ash lied. Except, that was what made it worse. He knew, and couldn't do anything to stop it.

Ash paused at the door, and when he looked back, he gave an easy smile. "You said the boys were up to something, right? I'm going to make sure they didn't destroy anything." He seemed to notice Eiji's expression, then, because he added, "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I'm coming back. I always do."

And with that, he left, leaving Eiji to hold onto those words, trusting they would ring true.


End file.
